Little Bit

The hem of my grey cotton t-shirt was much more appealing than looking into my ma’am’s blue eyes right now. I could feel the heat spreading across my face from the quiet questions she had been asking me. She knew. She always knew.  However, with her arms wrapped securely around my waist, with me curled up on her lap, as close to her as I could get I still felt safe. Her embrace was warm and secure.

She surprised me when she whispered into my ear, “Come on little bit, let’s get you over my knee where you belong.” Ma’am shifted to the middle of the couch while I awkwardly climbed from her lap, I was suddenly missing her arms as I stood in front of her.

Ma’am quickly divested me of pajama pants and guided me over her lap putting me into a familiar position. Quickly, I grabbed a pillow hugging it close to my face. Every muscle in my body, was tense with stress and anxiety.

Ma’am soothed patterns against my vulnerable backside, it was a promise and threat all at the same time, “Little bit, why are you over my knee about to get a spanking?”

Any words I managed to find got caught in my throat, so I just buried my face deep into the pillow and waited.

I didn’t have to wait long before the soothing motions stopped and Ma’am’s hand left my backside and quickly returned in a swift swat, leaving a tingling sensation in its wake. A quiet gasp escaped my tight lips. It had been so long since I had been in this position. To long perhaps.

“Little bit, I asked you a question.”

Again, I just couldn’t force any words out, so I sank further into the soft pillow. I felt a gentle tap on my hip. I raised my middle and down went my panties exposing my bare backside to Ma’am’s will. Her strong left arm encircled my waist and quickly, her palm began a steady rhythm on my skin doing all the talking that was necessary.

With every swat the warm tingling sensation grew and I fell deeper and deeper into a relaxed state. Each stinging swat was like a fine point I could focus on and nothing else had room to enter my mind. My mind was empty. It was easily fifty swats or more before I even realized she had been talking to me throughout this spanking.

Turning my head to the side I listened to her gentle voice reassured me, “I have you little bit you can let go.” Over and over she repeated this sentiment as my backside started go from warm and tingly to hot with the repeated spanking of her hand onto my backside.

I closed my eyes and sighed deeply. Ma’am knew what that meant as she stopped spanking and started rubbed soothing circles onto my back, before I felt her move to pick up something behind me. As soon as the cool leather touched my backside I gasped in surprise. I didn’t know where she got that from, but it was definitely here now! All the muscles involuntarily tensed in my lower half.

“This isn’t punishment, little bit. Don’t ever forget, I love you. Relax.”

I shakily nodded my head and forced my muscles to relax. When the first slow easy swat connected I felt tears rush to my eyes, getting ready to spill over. The heat from the swat spread and warmed my muscle. She continued easy swats each causing the heat to build in my backside. None hurt too much but it gave me a break from the constant swirling of thought from my anxiety riddles mind.

She had only places five swats with the paddle when I felt the dam begin to crack open with a few silent tears leaking out over my cheeks. No more words were needed from ma’am. She increased the strength of the swats, helping me get over the edge. Two well-placed strokes to my tender sit spots and the dam completely broke. I burst into tears and sobbed openly into the pillow. Releasing all the pent up emotion. I didn’t notice the spanking stopping quickly thereafter. I did however, feel ma’am surprisingly soft hand rubbing some of the sting out while I cried, completely limp over her lap.

Soon, ma’am eased my clothing back into place and guided me back onto her lap, cuddling me close to her. I once again got as close as possible to her and allowed her to hold me for a while. It was so safe in her arms. While in many ways we were equal, she always swore to protect me to the best of her ability… even from myself, and that was what tonight was for. Her protecting me from myself. I had started getting lost in stress and anxiety.

I buried my face into her neck and continued to cry knowing it was okay to do so. There would be no rush to go anywhere. After, almost twenty minutes of tears I could hear her occasionally saying, “I love you, little bit. I am never going anywhere.” In that moment I believed her. I had to. She kept my feet on the ground and my mind centered. And I felt the same. I loved her and would never walk away. If only she would have me.


Hi all!

So, hope you enjoyed my first attempt at a first person pov story it was short and sweet and to the point in my opinion, but turned out well! Also, wanted to add that I should be making several more post in the next 24 hours so make sure to come back and check! Also, will have an exciting announcement soon!


Happy Spanking, LT


I Promise!!

Hello all! I know I’ve been very silent for like two weeks now (yes longer than that), however my muse has really been like… well bratty and not being very nice of late. I am working on a few different things, but I don’t know when that will happen. Anyway… though I would share another picture with you until then. And yes this is pretty close to the truth not that I would know anything about pouting. 😉


Submission the choice.

As most of you know at this point I’ve been in a Top/brat relationship for about two months now with a very special person. The journey has seen really high highs and really low lows. I don’t trust easily and I’ve made many mistakes along the way, but I have learned more about myself than I ever thought possible. Toppy lady and I just kind of fell into these roles we are in, it happened natural really, at first at least. However, the one huge thing I’ve had to learn is what submission really is, what it takes to be submissive and what it feels like when you get there. I don’t have all of this figured out of course, but  I’m beginning to learn what my journey looks like.

Submission is a choice. It’s a choice I have to make daily and sometimes even more than one time a day. It’s not a feeling and it doesn’t actually just happen, for me at least. I always thought that submission would be this feeling you would have, but it’s not. Submission is the choice to allow someone else control part or all of your life. And let me tell you it can scare the hell out of you. Like I said earlier I don’t trust people naturally, it just doesn’t happen that way. But then to have someone that is worthy of that trust enough to choose what is best for you in several aspects of your life that is a learning experience. There were times and I guess still are times when I fight it every step of the way. Thankfully, I have a Top who is extremely patient and stubborn that will stick with me no matter what I do. So, I have had to make the conscious effort to chose this everyday ever since I realized this and it has made life less complicated and our relationship more fulfilling in many ways.

When I choose to submit to Karen (name changed to protect the not so innocent 😉 ) I instantly become more stable. A lot of times in my RL I feel like I’m free falling into a wide open abyss and that I’m out in the world vulnerable, alone and scared. I also felt like I was wandering around a bit. When I submit she will protect me from everything including myself. I no longer have the worries of the world. I find comfort here in the land of trust and dependence on another human if it is only for a few short minuets a day.

Here is the big thing though. Submission isn’t a requirement of our relationship. It isn’t even a demand or expectation really. It is a gift that I freely choose to give to her. Yes, that maybe hard to understand, but through the time we have spent together and her continued proving to me she isn’t going anywhere it is a desire that has grown inside of me. I want to give her that gift, because I do trust her with my life.

I won’t tell you that is has gotten easier though. If anything it has gotten harder. I went into the relationship thinking that being a brat/bottom to someone would come naturally for me. However, it actually doesn’t. In fact I like control things quiet a bit, which might explain my Switch tendencies, but that is a whole other post. But, what I have found here when I can submit is peace. It’s like the person at the core of who I am is alive and well and so very loved and cared for.


Until next time, LT

I’ll Be

So, this song has been on my mind recently and inspired a lot of things I have been writing that I will eventually get around to sharing with you all. So, if you all don’t mind give it a listen or just read it through. Then if you have a song that has been speaking to your heart of late please feel free to share. And make sure to check out the story I posted earlier today.


Anyway, this is for someone special. . . you know who you are. 


I’ll Be – Reba


When darkness falls upon your heart and soul.

I’ll be the light that shines for you.

When you forget how beautiful you are

I’ll be there to remind you.

When you can’t find your way,

I’ll find my way to you.

When troubles come around,

I will come to you.


I’ll be your shoulder when you need someone to lean on.

Be your shelter.

When you need someone to see you through.

I’ll be there to carry you.

I’ll be there.


I’ll be the rock that will be strong for you.

The one that will hold on to you.

When you feel that rain falling down.

When there’s nobody else around.

I’ll be.


And when you’re there with no one there to hold.

I’ll be the arms that reach for you.

And when you feel your faith is running low.

I’ll be there to believe in you.

When all you find are lies.

I’ll be the truth you need.

When you need someone to run to.

You can run to me


I’ll be your shoulder when you need someone to lean on.

Be your shelter.

When you need someone to see you through.

I’ll be there to carry you.

I’ll be there.

I’ll be the rock that will be strong for you.

The one that will hold on to you.

When you feel that rain falling down.

When there’s nobody else around.

I’ll be.

I’ll be the sun.


When your heart’s filled with rain.

I’ll be the one.

To chase the rain away.


I’ll be your shoulder when you need someone to lean on.

Be your shelter.

When you need someone to see you through.

I’ll be there to carry you.

I’ll be there.

I’ll be the rock that will be strong for you.

The one that will hold on to you.

When you feel that rain falling down.

When there’s nobody else around.

I’ll be.

I’ll be.



I’ll Be lyrics © Alfred

Ice cream Afternoon

Hey my fellow spankos, 

New people for you, hope you all enjoy. 🙂 Will be posting something a little different later today so make sure to stick around and see that. 


CC and Morgan sat across from each other at the kitchen counter both eating bowls of ice cream after a long day. CC’s brow crinkled as she studied each bite of chocolaty goodness. Morgan didn’t like the serious look her partner in crime had so she scooped up a little bit of whipped cream and flicked it across the counter at her, watching it land on her arm. CC looked up and gave a grin before slowly leaning down, and slowly licking it off her skin while looking at Morgan in the eyes. Morgan raised a brow and brought her finger to her mouth, sucking the rest of the whip cream off not breaking the eye contact. CC gave a wry smile and scooped up a bit of ice cream and dropped the spoon full directly onto the back of Morgan’s hand that was still resting on the counter


CC’s giggles caused her black locks to move with her amusement, “Uh huh.”

Shortly ice cream, chocolate sauce, and whipped cream were coving a good portion of the kitchen and both ladies, as squeals of delight filled the air.

Neither woman heard the door to the apartment open, however they did hear when Andi stren voice broke through the laughter, “What tha-,” but she stopped short upon realizing just how big the mess was.

CC and Morgan quickly sobered up a bit and turned, eyes wide, to find their roommate standing there with a hard look on her face, hands placed on her hips.  Andi’s normally pain, freckled face was turning a deep pink.

When Andi found her voice again she evenly told both brats, “You two will be cleaning this up then you will be getting a spanking for having a food fight of all things!”

“Yes ma’am, yes miss.” Was echoed simultaneously back to Andi.

“Get to cleaning you two. You have 30 minutes. Then I want you both to shower.”

Thirty minutes went quickly as the two brats cleaned every surface of the kitchen covered in stickiness. Morgan couldn’t help giving CC a playful swat, causing her to gasp out loud, as she was bent over cleaning chocolate sauce off the floor. However, with a sharp look from Andi sent her quickly back to work. Dang. Andi wasn’t happy.


Andi stared at Morgan and CC who were standing very close, now clean and in PJs, with the back of their hands brushing, both with hair still wet from their shower.

“Who would like to explain what you two were doing when I came home?”

Both women stood there in silence, not wanting to be the first to speak.

Andi stared them down with her hazel eyes. Deciding nothing was forth coming she choose for the two brats, “CC, you first.”

CC voice held a little sass as she told her, “We were eating ice cream, miss.”

Morgan closed her eyes and moved away from CC just a bit. That wasn’t a good answer. Andi crossed the room to CC.


After several swift swats CC finally found the words to describe what happened when Andi had been out. After listening to the muddled story Andi told both brats, “You to that corner.” Pointing at Morgan and a nearby corner and then did the same to CC. When both brats were situated in the separate corners Andi issued her next order, “Pants and panties down ladies.”

Groans were heard but both did as bid and exposed their backsides to the Top’s eyes.

Andi could be heard leaving the room then coming back soon and sitting down on the couch.

“CC, you are up first, dear.”

CC hobbled across the room and stood in front of Andi.

“Do you know why we are here?”

“Yes, miss. We had a food fight in the kitchen and made a huge mess.”

“Correct, little girl. Over my knee.”

In short order, CC was pulled over the taller woman’s thighs, allowing her to rest her head on the couch and feet on the floor. Helping CC position herself, Andi didn’t waste time, bringing her hand down with the first of many swats watching as her skin changed color, quickly heating up. CC started squirming quickly. The heat in her bottom was matched by the heat in other places. By the time thirty swats had landed CC was crying out. Andi held her tighter and spanked harder so that each swat was landing with an echoing POP. By now the milky white skin was no more and was replaced by a deep pink and her legs were moving around in a chaotic pattern. Deciding she had had almost had enough Andi placed a final ten really hard swats at the base of the woman’s backside,on her sit spots before stopping and rubbing some of the sting away before helping her up and giving her a gentle hug, telling her she did good. She led the woman back to the corner though, telling her they were not quiet done yet and to not rub.

Morgan stood in the corner listening to CC’s spanking. It was torture. In many ways she wanted to beg Andi to stop spanking her and in other’s she wished she could turn around and watch the scene unfolding behind her. However, at the same time Morgan knew that soon she would be meeting the same fate which caused her bottom to clench in anticipation.

After she returned to the couch minus CC, Andi called, “Morgan, it is your turn.”

Morgan’s stomach dropped at she scurried as best as she could to stand at the appointed spot.

“You know why you are about to get your backside lite up?”

“Yes ma’am for the mess we made.”

Nodding, as no other words were needed, Morgan soon found herself facedown over Andi’s lap. Knowing it was coming Morgan immediately offered her hand up. She wasn’t known for keeping still. Andi took it, pinning it to the smaller of her back and began to set Morgan’s backside on fire. Quickly, her bottom turned warm from the repeated slapping of both cheeks and sit spots. Andi was teaching her a lesson she wouldn’t soon forget! By the time fifty swats landed Morgan’s skin was a deep pink and she was yelping out with every swat that arrived which was echoed by the loud POP each caused. Andi decided she had almost had enough and raised the woman’s bottom exposing her sit spots more and landing ten hard swats there making her collapse on the couch. Andi, helped the woman up, after rubbing some of the sting away, gave her a gentle hug and led her back to the corner.

Little did Morgan know, but CC had been having some of the same thoughts while standing in the corner that Morgan did. She wanted it to stop. But she wanted to watch too. And man was she tempted to reach back and rub her flaming backside.



Andi looked at both women in the corner, bare red backsides on display, time to finish this she thought, “Okay, both of you over here, side by side grab your ankles please.” Morgan and CC both soon found themselves bare backside in the air, shivering, staring at the dark colored carpet.

Andi pickup us her leather paddle and tapped it on one pink bottom then the other, “Okay, one good swat each and then we need to get to bed.”

Stepping up behind Morgan first Andi told her, “Stay in position,” before bringing back the paddle and planting a first hard lick in the center of her backside. Morgan moaned and kept a tight grip on her ankles as the pain exploded deep in her muscles. Then she felt Andi’s gentle hand soothing some of the sting out.

Next, Andi stepped up behind CC. “Same thing, stay in position.” Placing a hand on her lower back Andi brought the paddle back and landed it back firm stroke in the center of her round bottom. “OWIE!” CC yelped loudly, when the pain registered, however she too kept a hold on her ankles as Andi did the same for her, rubbing some of the sting out of her skin and muscles.

“Okay you two can stand up.”

Morgan and CC stood and Andi quickly engulfed them both in a big hug giving them reassurances that they were forgiven and loved.


It wasn’t long before Andi tucked both women into bed placing a kiss on each of their foreheads. CC and Morgan cuddled together placing butterfly kisses on each other’s face before drifting off to sleep with warm backsides and light hearts.

Dear Diary 6/26

Same disclaimer as always, little bit of fiction, little bit of RL.


Dear Diary,

Today a dear friend of mine and I were talking about something and we got on the subject of ‘shivers’ that we feel and the different reasons we feel them and what it means when we get them. So, I thought I should tell you about them a little bit.

When she calls me ‘little one’ it sends shivers down my spine all the way to my toes, makes my stomach flip and my heart open all with two little words. She is the only one that can cause this with a name like that. Maybe because she has seen some of the deepest parts of my soul. I know the name is very special to the both of us and means something that only we can. Those words are a reminder of the love and care she has for me. It wasn’t a instant reaction to those simple words actually. The more we get to know each other the more those two simple words meant to me and ever time she says them it means more and more. It honestly feels just off when someone else calls me that. In a strange way it feels more mocking than comforting.

Then there are the are shivers you get when she gives you the look.  The look that is going to be soon followed by ‘I am listenting’ or ‘Would you like to explain yourself’. Not only that, but the look usually is a sign that you are already in trouble your next words will tell me how much. Those send you into panic mode, every hair stands on end and goose bumps rise on your skin. Also, just so you know the look can also be a raised eyebrow and whispered words of ‘you better be glad we aren’t alone right now.’ This one makes all the never endings in your backside tingle in anticipation and dread of what is to come or make you want to cover up with both hands back there. Usually, when I get these types of shivers it’s my self preservation kicking in.

Some of the most intense shivers I have ever had is when bare skin to bare skin meets. (no dirty mind not like THAT) When you are over her lap with your pants and panties at your knees and she is rubbing your bare bottom it will send shivers all the way down your spine and can actually cause involuntary muscle movement!. There is something threatening and calming all at the same time about that one simple touch. It’s the anticipation of the first swat of her punishing hand. But also after the spanking is over her palm can be a source of comfort as she applies aloe or rubs some of the steam away.

Then there is the shivers you get when you get a long hug when she knows you need it. The shivers of it has been a long and rough day and you just want to sit on her lap and cuddle really close to her for a long time. And as soon as she raps her arms around you your body gets this shiver that is the tension from the day leaving your body and her warm embrace comforting you. And as she continues to hold you there you just let everything else in the world go.

Well diary there you have, some of the most common reasons Toppy lady can cause me to get shiver or tingles or whatever you would like to call it. It’s really crazy how just a simple word or look can cause that. I’m sure I’ll continue to discover what causes them to happen.


Much love diary. Talk soon,

All tingly brat.

ERT Prt 2

Okay so maybe regularly updating was a bit of a stretch of the imagination, however I ended up having more work left on my story than I thought and RL is a pain in the ass at times. Anyways, here is part 2 of ERT. Later in the story you will understand what ERT stands for :).  


Many spanking vibes, 




Maddy could feel the heat in her face as she sat in only her underwear allowing Tessa to gently wash her body with a cool wash cloth. At any other time the blond would have felt too embarrassed by the woman’s actions, but today she didn’t even have it in her to stand. Once Maddy was washed and rinsed off, Tessa quietly asked, “Okay sweetie, I’m going to let you change the rest of your clothes, call me if you need me.” Tessa left Maddy alone so she could care for herself.

Maddy quietly called out to Tessa through panting breaths letting her know she had done as much as she could alone. Between the two women they finished getting her changed and gathered what Maddy would need to go to the hospital.

After locking up the apartment, Tessa escorted the sickly woman into her waiting car and taking care to even buckle her in. The hour long journey to the hospital, across town, was tense for Maddy at least. It felt like Tessa was angry at her as she read the woman a riot act about taking care of herself and asking for help when she needed it. Somehow, Tessa’s disappointment in her was even worse than if she would have been mad. According to the  brunette, Maddy should know better than not to ask for help. However, all Maddy was thinking about once again was the ache deep in her chest from the absence of Emma.

Tessa drew the car to a stop and put it park.   Maddy asleep against the car window. No wonder the woman had been so quiet the last half of the trip. Tessa placed a gentle hand on the woman’s shoulder, “Hon, wake up, we are here.” Maddy groaned and blinked blurry eyes at the older woman. “Wha-?” the blond began, but realized they were sitting outside of the emergency room.

Maddy was basically carried out of the car inside the hospital by Tessa whom Maddy was growing more and more thankful for by the moment.

While Maddy slumped against a wall, in a hard plastic chair, Tessa signed the woman in and filled out all the information she could. Thankfully the waiting room wasn’t busy with only two other people in there neither appearing to be waiting to see a doctor. Tessa went back to the woman sitting beside her, and allowed the woman to rest a head on her shoulder. Tessa spent the next fifteen minutes rubbing soothing circles on her back and playing with the ends of her hair, trying to get the sick woman to relax. She didn’t know what it was about hospitals, but the woman was very uneasy about them.When Maddy’s name was called the nurse fetched a wheel chair for her to ride in to the triage area.

When the group made it to the Triage, Maddy was looking even worse than she had before their ride to the hospital. The nurse rapidly took her vitals and asked why she was in the ER today. However, when the nurse read off her temperature her expression changed to one of urgency. The thermometer had read out ‘103.9’. The nurse left the two women in the triage room alone for a few moments before rushing back in and taking Maddy to a nearby room.

The nurse helped Maddy onto the bed and gave her a gown to put on telling her that someone would be with her shortly. Maddy struggled to get into the gown all the while freezing even more from not having on any clothes on, other than the gown. She made sure to cover her legs with the blanket so Tessa wouldn’t get on to her for the cut she was sporting down the side of her leg. When she had dressed she called for Tessa to come back into the room.

Soon there was a different nurse that came into the room that introduced herself as Jo. Even in her fever and sick addled brain Maddy couldn’t help but notice the woman’s looks. Everything about her was dark, from her eyes, hair and even her skin held a dark tan. Maddy was instantly drawn to the mysterious feeling she gave off too.

Jo for her part felt for the woman lying in the hospital bed, she looked really awful, but something inside Jo made her want to hover, watching her every move. Silently, Jo attached a heart monitor, blood pressure cuff and sensors that would read her body temperature. Having done what she was bid she patted the woman’s leg, however she noticed the woman wince away from the touch.

Jo turned to the woman and looked at her through a gaze of concern, “Ma’am is there something wrong with your leg?”

Maddy’s face was shocked, her entire body became ridged as she tried to brush off the woman’s question, “Oh, its fine. I am having body aches all over.”

Jo’s eyes pinched in thought as she looked at the small, frail woman lying in the hospital bed. There was something that made her stomach turn. So, she said to the small woman, “Do you mind if I just take a look,”, looking at Tessa she added, “She mentioned that you fell earlier. You might have gotten hurt and have not even realized it.”

However, Maddy wasn’t given much of a chance to respond before Tessa pulled the covers off her lower legs. Both women gasped in shock and horror at what they saw. Down the outside of Maddy’s left leg was a huge, grossly infected cut. It was at least eight inches long and half a inch wide on one end. The entire area was red and swollen.

Tessa was the first to speak, “Madeline! When did you get this and why the HELL didn’t you tell me about it when it happened!”

Maddy groaned and sank into the bed, covering her face with her hands, wishing that the floor would swallow her up whole. She couldn’t even find refuge in Jo because she was giving her just as a stern look as well.

Mumbling Maddy admitted, “I didn’t want to go to the hospital. I-I was scared.” Jo just raised a eyebrow and went back to studying the cut on her leg. It was becoming quickly obvious that this young woman needed someone to take care of her.


In a hushed quiet tone Tessa told the sickly woman, “Little girl, why I should handle you like Emma would have.”

Something in Jo surged. That little tid bit of information was quiet reviling, but she continued to poke and prod the wound much to Maddy’s displeasure. When the whispered conversation lulled Jo looked at the blonde, “Well, ma’am it would seem that you have quite an infected cut. I am not a doctor, but I’d venture to guess that this is what has got you so sick. Infection can travel into the blood stream and will kill you if not caught quickly enough.” Maddy squirmed in her bed listening to Jo’s spill about her leg. “Alright I’m going to talk to the doctor about this.” Pointing to the leg, “then I am going to have to clean it up I’m sure.”

Maddy started to argue, but Tessa gave the woman a sharp look of disapproval. Jo left the women and could hear the beginnings of a stern lecture as she closed the door. Jo couldn’t blame the woman, she had a strong desire to lecture and do even more, but that wasn’t her place.

ERT Part 1

Hey my spanking peoples!

Life has been hectic a bit trying to get a story put together for the anthology, but have no fear that is almost done! So, this is going to be a multi-part story that will be a bit of a slow burn, and it may be a few parts before the story has any spanking in it. However, the good news is I should be posting much more often now that I’m almost done with editing!!

Also, I would like to mention: I love my lurkers! You guys and gals are amazing! If you want to come over and talk with me on FB (Logan Tyler) please feel free to do so or through my contact page! 

Logan Tyler


Madeline Drew was feeling horrible. Actually horrible wasn’t even beginning to describe how Maddy was feeling. She was burning up with fever and her entire body was aching. Her stringy blonde hair was a tangled mess, her normally vibrant green eyes were dull and lifeless. Maddy had in in the bed for close to a week now feeling like she was going to die.

Maddy had the sudden urge to get sick, maneuvering out from under the covers she started to stand, but instead hit the floor with a loud THUMP. Maddy felt something warm running down her face. Reaching up she brought her hand to her nose and found blood coming out of her nose.

Damn it. Just what I need.

However, Maddy soon realized she had a much bigger problem on her hands. She struggled and struggled to get up out of the floor, however no matter how hard she tried she just couldn’t push herself up. Apparently, the blond was too weak from not eating these past several days and the cut on her leg was much too painful to put much pressure on.

Muttering another string of curses she grabbed her phone, from her bedside table and sent a text message off to Tessa, her friend and neighbor, while pinching the bridge of her nose to slow the bleeding. Soon the phone dinged indicating that she Tessa had replied. Tessa would be there as soon as she could; she had stepped out to run some errands and would be home soon.

Maddy lay on the floor contemplating how she had gotten herself into this mess. Maddy felt so very lonely. She missed Emma, her ex, so much right now. If Emma were here she would have taken care of her. Thinking of Emma made tears pool in her eyes. The woman had meant so much to Maddy. Emma had loved her, cared for her, and guided her.

However, unknown to Maddy, the couple had their problems. Emma loved her work more than she loved her girlfriend. Emma had eventually chosen to move for work one day and did not bother to tell Maddy. She was here one day and gone the next. Maddy had been spending the last three months grieving the loss of the woman whom she thought she would spend the rest of her life with.

Maddy’s thoughts were interrupted when she heard keys jingle in the front door to the apartment. Thankfully, Tessa soon called out to her, “Maddy? Where are you?”

Struggling to raise even her head she shouted out, her voice weak, “Back here!”

Tessa quickly made her way through the apartment, into the bedroom to see Maddy laying on the floor blood covering her face and hands.

Tessa’s face was marred with shock at the sight, “Goodness gracious, Madeline what have you done?” The woman immediately moved to pull her up into a sitting position against a nearby wall.

Tessa was a few years older than Maddy, who ‘mothered’ her in a good way. She often invited her over for meals and reminded her to pay her bills on time. The two had known each other even when Emma was still around.

Tessa tutted at all the blood, going into the bathroom she got a warm, damp wash cloth, brought it back out and gently started to wipe the blood away, “Young lady, you look like death. What is going on with you?”

Blushing a dark crimson, despite being a pastey white color, she muttered to the woman, “I have the flu or something.” Tessa immediately stopped what she was doing and gave the younger woman a stern look. “Young lady, why didn’t you call me and tell me you were sick; I would have come over and checked on you? And what day did you go to the doctors, because it doesn’t appear you are doing any better?”

The blonde decided that the carpet was much more interesting than looking at Tessa. However, staring at the carpet made her notice the dark red blood stains covering the floor resulting in a scowl on her part.

Great. She was going to be scrubbing that out for a month.

Maddy felt a gently hand on her face and looked up meet the woman’s grey eyes. “You haven’t been to the doctor have you?” Maddy bit her lip and shook her head ‘no’ she hadn’t been to the doctors.

Sighing deeply, Tessa threw the wash cloth to the side, hooking her arms under the woman’s armpits, pulling her to stand on shaky feet. Tessa held her close for several moments while she regained her balance. “Maddy, that isn’t okay. You should know better. I know you have been having a hard time since Emma left, but you can’t give up.”

Those whispered words caused shivers down her spine. There were times when Tessa was so much like Emma it wasn’t even funny. Her tone of voice that she used to gently scold the woman and the raised eyebrow she often got as a result of misbehavior never ceased to remind her of the woman.

Tessa helped her into the cramped bathroom, and guided her to sit on the side of tub. Staring the woman down, Tessa noticed she her face was gaunt, the ever present bags under her eyes were darker than usual, and she was burning up with fever.

Tessa decided then that the blond needed to go to the ER, “I am taking you to the hospital. There is not a choice in the matter. Either you go to the hospital of your own volition or you can go in an ambulance when I call it.” Maddy’s mouth looked like a fish. She wanted to fight with everything in her, but that was just the problem. Maddy didn’t have anything in her left to fight with. Sagging she just nodded her agreement with the woman.

What was unknown to Tessa and everyone else on Earth, other than her mother, was Maddy had never been to a hospital before. Not to the ER for stitches or anything. Maddy had been deathly afraid of them since a small child, so her mother gave up fighting her on it and found a doctor that did emergency calls. So at 24 years old, Madeline was in for the shock of a lifetime. If her chest didn’t explode with panic first.



Hiya guys and gals, I haven’t forgotten about you all! I am still promising some stories very soon! Still working on editing my story so my time and energy is going into that. However, I just found this little gem and thought I’d share it with you all. Feel free to tell me of any naughtiness you have found yourselves in of late 😉


Being Naughty

Dear Diary 6/17

I was going to wait to post more of these, however they are very important to me so here is another one. Same disclaimer as before, a story with RL influence. A lot of these Dear Diary post have come from discussions had on if you haven’t been over there you should! Much love to all of you guys, please keep sending me comments and thoughts you have about these subjects ❤


Hi Diary, me again.

I have been having so many first lately, diary. I don’t know how to talk about this with anyone, so I’m just going to talk to you. Today I had a pretty intense scene. Top was trying to ‘shock’ me out of a temper tantrum and I reacted badly to her spanking me. It wasn’t working for me, actually I was throwing a even worse tantrum.  So, I did something I had never done in a scene before. I called the safe word. It was strange. Yes, Top stopped immediately, but so did I. It was like a cold bucket of water was thrown over the both of us.

Here is where I am having problems. Yes, everyone stresses the importance of safe words and talks about using them if you need to, however no one talks about what happens after it is used. As soon as I said it I regretted it. Not for needing to, but for disappointing my Top in not being able to continue or trust her enough to let go. Even though you aren’t in a mental place to continue, there is a sudden drop, you get very sad, clingy, resentful, angry, relieved, relaxed and many other things at the same time.

When I said my word I tried to run again. I guess I am discovering I am a runner, but that is another entry entirely. But I ran from Top, luckily I didn’t get far before she stopped me and insisted on talking about my tantrum in the first place and about why I needed to say my safe word. Throughout the conversation I wanted to apologize again and again for having to stop.

After everything was calm and Top and I decided to handle my guilt for the tantrum. She put me back over her knee and spanked me harder than she did before. However, Diary I have something to confess. As soon as she put me over her knee I felt panic. However, it was like everything happened in extremely slow motion in my brain. She was spanking extremely hard, but I didn’t react. I just laid there over her knee getting my backside lit up with her hand.

My mind was many things during the second attempt at spanking. Mainly, it was a panicky empty. It was like I had lost all thought of how to stop this. Don’t get me wrong, Diary I don’t blame Top for not knowing what is going on in my head. I don’t blame her for spanking me even harder to try to get me to stop holding back my reactions in fact I might have done the same thing if the roles where reversed. However, there was a deep part of me that thought if I stopped this again that she would be mad or upset with me so I just took it even though I was having a full blown panic attack.

After, it was over I pulled away some since I didn’t know how to talk about what  happened. The second spanking ended up feeling more like a punishment for saying my safe word than what it was actually for. Top eventually got out of me what was going on and we did discuss what was happening, however this is so new to me I fear I’m going to mess up so much she gives up on me. I want to be perfect even though she insist that nothing I do could  ever make her leave me unless I tell her to. It’s still a deep fear of mine and I wish I knew how ‘fix’ it. But I guess I just need to rely on Top to help me through.






Diary it been a few days  since I started this entry and I thought I’d stop by and finish it with some more thoughts since I’ve had some time and distance,

I think I’m beginning to learn what a safe word is really for. It’s not so much about the physical side of punishment, but more the metal. To get a spanking and for it to help you HAVE to be in the right head space. If you aren’t then it is a pointless act that will do more harm than good. I’m not sure how it works in all TTWD relationships, but in ours ‘yellow’ for me means wait I really don’t understand what is going on or you are moving to fast for me. In my personal case I use it more often when we are having a intense conversation that I might not be ready for than I do if I’m over Tops knee. ‘Red’ for me is usually used if Top triggers something for me that is traumatic. Usually that tells her that not only do I need to stop right now, but I’m going to ask for her to do one of two things: give me sometime alone to process whatever is going on or that I need her to hold me until I calm down from my panic.  I know that Top would much rather me talk about  basically every boring detail of my thoughts before hand than feel so scared or cornered that I needed to use my safe word.

Now, back to the physical vs. mental aspects… As a grown woman I can basically power through any type of pain I set my mind to which can easily lead me being really hurt physically by a spanking. However, that isn’t what Top nor I want for us. She wants me to be able to accept a spanking and allow it to impact my behavior or what ever we are addressing. So, Diary I have made a promise to Top and myself that I will be open and honest about where my head is at from here on out and if that means having to wait for punishment or do something other than spanking then that will be the best for the both of us.


Loved and well spanked,