About Our Community

Hey spanko people, this post will not be the normal fun spanko discussion or stories, but I feel it is important to talk about anyway. Because of some circumstances that have happened in recent months I have been thinking a lot about safety in the community, online especially. So, I wanted to talk briefly about some things I have learned over the years and give everyone the chance to share what they have learned as well.

The first thing is to go slow! I know it is hard to go slow when we are needy and excited, but it is an important aspect of building trust in a relationship. Make sure to spend time getting to know the person you intend to meet or play with even if it is just virtually playing! Get to know their likes and dislikes both inside and outside of the kink. Additionally, trust your gut! Most of the time, if something feels ‘off’, it is. So, if something feels “off” or is making you hesitate, honor that and reevaluate the situation. Of course, do not forget safewords. I cannot say that enough…safeword, safeword, safewords. If someone does not play with or honor a safeword run the other direction! Safewords are our last line of defense against something going over the line. The universal safewords are red, yellow, and green. Red for stop, yellow for slow down, and green for good to go.

In addition to this, make sure to understand each other’s limits before playing and be honest about them. If you are unsure that is okay, just communicate! Before meeting, have conversations with your person by phone and video call. There are many different options that can be useful. This can also help with the awkwardness of seeing each other for the first time. Additionally, if possible, request references of people they have played with in the past. Tell someone else if you are meeting in person, and if you are just playing online. Don’t keep it a secret. Try to find someone you trust. When meeting, let this trusted friend know where, with whom, and how long you are meeting.

When meeting, meet for the first time in public, and again tell your trusted friend who you are meeting with and where. Set up a safety call for the meeting, have a set amount of time your trusted friend will call you in. Set up code lines that are beyond just, “Yes, I am okay.” Also, have somewhere to retreat to easily and quickly if you need to such as your car, home, or a hotel room. This is especially important where you don’t know the area you are meeting, say if you have traveled to meet someone. Finally, when sharing pictures online, be careful to check settings on your device, because some mark your GPS location. It can reveal where and when a picture was taken, and some people will take advantage of this to discover your location. People who are smart enough or motivated enough could track you, could also do you harm. Remember, any pictures you send can be used against you, so be cautious who you share them with. Lastly, if you are confused or concerned there is a great community of women who want to help and talk about it, so utilize it if you want to!

I’ll be posting stories, or other bits and pieces on Fridays for a while so hopefully I hope to see you all around!

School Report…..could do….

Hi all, thought I would drop by and give you an update on how Thursday went. Well, for starters, we chose the most hottest day in which to do a photo shoot. Talk about blistering hot, in more ways than one lol. Anyway, little Sis and I had a fab time.

We booked a local village hall for the shoot. This was great because it had the old parquet flooring and wooden swing doors, which suited a school setting. Anyway we get down to business straight away. Little Sis and I scuttle off to get changed. And soon we are transformed into two mischievous Lower Fifth formers, complete with bunches in our hair.

So, out come the cigarettes and cider bottles, and we pretend to be looking out of the window, making sure the Headmaster is not on the prowl. It’s very hard not to giggle. Then we have to show shock horror as we’re caught red handed by the HM with the contraband.

The next shoot is the pair of us standing outside the door , hands on our heads, waiting to enter the Headmaster’s study. When we go into the study we place our satchels on the table and fish out the contraband of cigarettes and matches. We stand contemplating our fate, whilst G takes more pics.

And then it’s time for our method acting. We re-enact the scene again with us being caught by the stern looking Headmaster. I’m not sure how G keeps his composure as he ticks us off, because we keep dissolving into giggles. G tells us to go and stand outside the ‘study’ door. As we walk across the hall towards the study, we’re definitely in role as we keep blaming one another lol.

We wait outside the door until G calls us in. He directs us to stand by the wall. It’s quite surreal to be honest, for two reasons.

  1. This is the first time I have met G. He is not only my sister’s disciplinarian, but he is also her friend. From what she has told me, he has a very hard hand and he is very firm.
  2. I’ve never been punished alongside someone else, and this someone else is my sister!

G has the slipper (which is a very traditional bit of school kit for us Brits, alongside the cane) and he tells Little Sis to bend over. She starts to protest, which gets me thinking that if she’s protesting, then perhaps there’s a very good reason.

OMG, there was a good reason! G raises the slipper and then brings it slapping back down, making considerable contact with Little Sister’s bottom. I’ve never witnessed this before and I must admit, it looks pretty harsh, and although this is not a disciplinary session as such, it is very very real. I’m not sure if I want to trade places with my sister, because that is going to hurt.

Trade places we do, and it’s my turn. I bend over and place my hands on my knees and wait. I’m hoping I don’t swear, because I have been known too, and that never ends well when I do. Wow, that first wack across my bottom cheek, really hurts and it’s quickly followed up by several more.

Then I’m sent back to join my sister. G approaches and gives me a proper telling off because he found out from Little Sister that the school exercise books we have in our satchels for props, were procured from the school I work at. In my defence I did ask school if we used these types of exercise books anymore and they said no, I just didn’t ask them if I could take them home.

He is not happy and before I know it, he instructs me to get a chair, which he sits down on and tells me to bend over. I am then given a surprisingly short and very hard spanking. I’ve had these before, and there is never any warm up, and Little Sis was perfectly right, he does have an extremely hard hand.

Once it’s over, I return to my place and Little Sister is given the same treatment, for tale telling. It’s quite unsettling to watch, as G takes my sister over his knee. She protests a heck of a lot! I’m not sure if I like to watch, but I’m told to. It’s a real gulp moment.

We haven’t finished with the method acting yet. It’s time for the cane. Each of us takes it in turn to bend across the table, whilst six firm strokes are applied to our upturned bottoms. The cane in question is a proper school one with a curved handle. It’s rather long, almost comes up to my shoulder when I measure it against myself. The cane hurts, but I make it through the six strokes without an expletive. That’s good going, and I’m rather proud of myself.

Anyway, it’s time to take stock, recover, have some water and we crack on with the rest of the shoot. Then we do some super close up shots of being caned, slippered, hand spanked. These pics should really look good and give a very authentic air to the book.

We also pop up onto the stage, and take a few shots of us bending over the stage stairs. These are fab, and it gives G the perfect opportunity to cane and spank us again. He is trying to be stern, but there’s a bit of fun there as well, because after all this is not that type of session.

So, with one more spanking applied, which makes me yell out and my arm almost comes back to protect my bottom and one more canning administered, it’s time to wrap up.

We go to change. Little Sis has a deep rosey hue to her bottom and I also have a matching one, I have a feeling that bruises will start to show. I like marks, I need to know that I’ve been disciplined, and having those marks and feeling it for a while does that for me.

It’s time to go. We have a group hug and say our goodbyes, Little Sis and I go off to the pub for a well-deserved cider, a chuckle and a chat.

I’ve been so lucky and I feel quite privileged to be involved in this. Just hope the pictures will be good enough for the book….and talking of piccies…..

Real Life TTWD

Hi my spanko ladies and lads, how is everyone? I am neck deep in trying to understand math these days (whining dramatically), but I am still writing! I have officially started my first solo book which will hopefully be done within the end of this year! I do plan on still updating here once a week though, but I wanted to ask your opinions on some topics I had in mind.

As you all know I like to talk about spanking, TTWD, DD or whatever you want to call it in my real life sometimes. It’s a way to help you guys and even myself. But here’s my question what do you want to know about?! I have several possible topics in mind and want to know if you want me to talk about any of them or if you have another one in mind.

Here is my possible topic list:

When TTWD is hard
The Switch Problem
Psychology and Kink
My first “spanking”
Sexual vs. Non-Sexual spanking
Mistakes I’ve Made
BDSM and our place in it
Brat vs. Bottom vs. Me
Switching with A Switch
Heartbreak in TTWD

Anyway, everyone please pick one or two and in the comments tell me what you would like to discuss! Also, if you have something different in mind you can leave that too or even a story request!

Alas, the other reason I decided to just talk to you all today. I have had this blog for some time now and I thought maybe it was time for me to expand it a bit. I wanted to know if anyone would be interested in joining Patreon for exclusive content I would be writing. Basically, you pledge a small amount of money a month and get access to stories, photos and other content that wouldn’t be available to anyone else. It’s something I’m just considering so let me know what you all think!

Talk to you kinky folks later! Have a spanky week!

Hi spanky ladies and lads,

I know I’ve been awfully quiet these past few weeks, but I have a good reason! I was traveling to New Orleans to spend some time with my wonderful switchy lady friend for a conference about BOOKS! Needless to say, we had an amazing adventure seeing a new place, learning about writing and spending lots of time together!

New Orleans is unlike any city I’ve ever seen, there is always a party, a good drink and live Jazz! There were many first for us on this trip, but especially me! I’ve added some pictures to show you of some of the adventures!


An outdoor patio where we had brunch to live jazz our first day!

Trolley cable cars that go all over the city! This one is from the early 1900s!

Joan of Arc state near Jackson Square! ( I got educated about who she was, so cool!)

Cafe Du Monde famous for their beignets!

One of the many above ground graveyards that New Orleans is well known for. Some of the graves dated back to the 1800s

Boats on the Mississippi!

So beachy 🙂 

Cathédrale Saint-Louis and statue of Andrew Jackson 

Canal Street!

View from the hotel room, yes that is the Super Dome

Could stare at it for hours! 🙂 

Near Jackson square, balconies like these were everywhere and often hanging with flowers! 

Now now, I’ll stop spamming you all with pictures and get to what you all really want to know about. Yes, we all had a nice kinky time, but all I’ll say is who knew hand on bare bottom could make a girl squirm and blush so much! 😉


– LT


Hiya all, this is a fun little test about kink that can give an insight into your own self! I take the long version and it changes slightly each time I’ve taken it but it can give some insight into how you are feeling on a day to day basis, which is cool. I think this is pretty accurate to who I am as a person and kinky person. 🙂

So, go take the test and post your results below! Where there any surprises? Did you learn anything about the roles you see yourself as? Is there any of these ‘roles’ you would like me to discuss further? The website has a cool place where they explain what each term means which is very educational to me!

Anywho, this is my results from a few weeks ago from http://www.bdsmtest.org :

BDSM results

A spanko’s addiction – updated

About a year ago I did a post about my personal collection of implements. Since then I’ve learned a lot and added to my collection. Since I didn’t have another story quiet ready to post this week I thought I would share an updated picture and bestow some advice about implements and the actual act of spanking. I’m going to give them a 1, 2, or 3 based on the severity level I find them 1 being the least and 3 being the worst.


So to start on the bottom row from left to right is…

OTK looped strap – 1
Flex Ruler – 1
Plastic Spoon – 0
Holey Paddle – 3 (if not 4)
Silicone Spatula – 1
Wooden Spoon – 3
Smaller Wooden Hairbrush – 3
Acrylic Paddle – 2
Medium Wooden Hairbrush – 1 or 2
16-inch Delrin Cane – 0
3 rattan canes of different sizes – 2
Riding Crop – 1
Sorority Paddle – 3

And then the second row bottom to top is…

Leather belt (rolled up and wrapped in a rubber band)
Small Bathbrush – 3
Round Leather Paddle –  1
Purple Heart Paddle – 3
Two Tongue Slapper – 1
Long Neck Leather Paddle  – 2
Flogger – 0

So a few comments about implements and spanking.

Walmart or Target is a great place to walk around and begin your collection. Great spanking implements are very affordable and a good quality! My wooden spoon, hairbrush, bath brush, ruler, silicone spatula, and leather belt all came from there. So, if you are just starting out or wanting to explore just go wander around and see what you find.

For my friends, that plan on using any implement for more than a few swats consider the size of the handle that your implement has. Wider handled implement are less comfortable after a few dozen swats as they seem to vibrate more in the palm of the hand. For instance compair the width of the holey paddle to the clear acrylic one, the holey paddle is muh comfier in the hand. Also, heavy implements are going to be more difficult to use. The longer you use the more tired you are going to be especially if you don’t routinely use implements such as the sorority paddle.

Also, if you are using a wooden paddle with hole(s) be especially careful because they cause bruising and blisters much easier than other implements. And warm-ups can vary, between over layers with hand or even straight to bare skin with a light implement. Whatever you decide I do recommend doing something for a warm up as the backside doesn’t like going straight for hard and heavy.

Anyway, just a few thoughts from my own experiences. Again if you have any implements I need to try or websites I need to check out please comment down below!! Or if anyone has a collection that they want to show I’m all up for that as well!


It’s no secret at this point that I am a Top (though a bratty one I’ve been told) and that I have two brats. Having two brats brings about a special set of skills one must have to juggle them. One of those skills is having a set of consequences that can get a brat’s attention in one moment less they cause a literal tornado. Today, I wanted to talk about the consequences I’ve experienced as either a brat or used as a Top and give some advice or thoughts about each consequence. I’ll put this warning out now, that some of these, some people might not consider traditional TTWD consequences, but this is just our effort, to be honest, and open with you all about our lives and what works for us.

But first, how do we get to a place where a consequence is needed? As a Top, my role is to help brats reach whatever goal they have in mind. Through these goals, we find sets of rules or expectations that brat is expected to follow. When these rules are broken, or expectations are not met then it is time for consequences. In other words, as a Top, I do not set rules that a brat isn’t willingly agreeing to, except for health and safety. Safety is a non-negotiable for my relationships. As my brat, I do not want a lady to be harmed or put herself in harm’s way, so their first and most important rule is to keep their self-safe. Always. The second is health. This one is a bit more complicated, however, I always stress the importance of physical health in some way, if needed, such as getting enough sleep or taking required medications. I think the most important thing to remember is to communicate openly and honestly about all needs that the other has.



This first one is probably the most obvious, yet the trickiest of all the consequences that a Top can give out. Spankings can range from a light hand spanking to a harsh full force canning. Spankings don’t seem to work as a long-term consequence unless they are harsher in nature. Because of the person I am, I tend not to care too much for harsher spankings, therefore, I tend not to give them and use other methods of torture for long-term behavior modification. Also, a consequence at times can be withholding a spanking, which at times is what a brat might be looking for. Furthermore, changing the timing of a spanking can be another great consequence that a Top can use. Giving one out sooner than expected or waiting to give one can allow a brat to consider the seriousness of her actions. However, I do want to warn that changing the timing of a spanking does need to be discussed at least a little so that a brat doesn’t think you don’t care or are angry.

Mouth Soaping:

Mouth soaping for those that might not know is the act of washing the mouth with soap, which creates a bitter and burning taste that lingers for some time. To some, this consequence may sound juvenile in nature, because of popular media such as in the movie A Christmas Story, but I assure you it can be very effective in deterring actions such as cursing during a spanking or being disrespectful. I always advise the brat to not swallow while doing this consequence as it can cause a bit of a stomach ache. Furthermore, I find that if one stands in the corner while a bar of a soap is in their mouth the lesson really hits home.


Lines can be a good way for a Top to keep in check things a brat does that isn’t dangerous or necessarily harmful but something they need to remember. I like to use lines most when there is an attitude issue or when a brat forgets to do something like pay a bill on time. I find that too many lines, however, are not helpful because let’s face it there is a point when the brat will begin to resent you and the punishment or feel overwhelmed, which is not something you want to happen. Personally, depending on how busy the brat is and depending on the severity of the issue I recommend no more than 100 lines a day for a brat, especially if you don’t live with them and can’t make sure they have the actual time and privacy to do the lines. So, let’s say if you need to give them 1000 lines normally I would give them around ten days to do the lines sometimes less if It’s the weekend and they are not working.

Telling off

Telling off might be a bit self-explanatory but it’s a lecture about behavior. I usually use this in addition to other consequences, such as a spanking. A ‘telling off” is usually a good way to make a brat squirm and consider all aspects of her actions. I find that at times it’s effective because a brat genuinely doesn’t want to disappoint their Top or let them down. By telling a brat this, it can bring on true remorse for their actions. However, be careful not to go overboard because this can be counter-effective. Forgiveness is important in all consequences, but especially in this form of consequences. Try having a brat stand in front of you and make eye contact while you lecture. Ask questions and expect an answer. Also, expect respect such as yes ma’am or no ma’am as you two discuss their actions.

Corner Time

Corner time is when you send a brat to silently and as still as possible to consider her behavior, most of the time standing in a corner or facing a wall. Another possibility is laying over the end of a bed or couch with face hidden focusing on her prone position. There are several variations of this consequence. One is having a brat lower her pants and panties to stand with her backside bare. Another is sending them before or after a spanking or while holding soap in her mouth. I’ve on occasion had a brat do daily corner time if she was truly struggling with an issue to strengthen her resolve. I find I usually have her stand there for either a set amount of time or until she has settled into position and relaxed, whichever works best for the brat. Also, I recommend reminding them what they are supposed to be thinking about while there and have a discussion afterwards.

Butt plugs:

Now, I know a lot of you are probably thinking this isn’t a normally TTWD consequence, however it is something I’ve used in my personal life and I think it works well for me. This is what you need to understand though. This must be one of those very express permission consequences for a brat. Some people for medical, personal or even religious reasons are absolutely against anything going up the backside, so it must be talked about in full detail before you assign this consequence. And I also don’t recommend you use it as a first choice as it is such a personal and intimate act. If you decide to go with a butt plug, start small, use lots of lubricants, and only use it for a short amount of time. Also, proper placement is important as well, you don’t want to be shoving it into your perineum (thin layer of skin between vagina and anus) and tear something.  The aim is not to hurt your brat but to get her attention and possibly embarrass them. Furthermore, I wouldn’t require the brat to wear it for long or stomach cramps can occur, build up to longer times if that’s what interest you. And a warning from personal experience, research what is in the lube you use make sure to use something water based if you are using a silicone plug. Extra ingredients in lubricant (such as aloe) can be a natural laxative so that’s something to be aware of.


Clothing Restriction

Clothing restriction is when a Top forces a brat to wear a certain article of clothing such as a skirt for serval days to contemplate their actions or forces a brat to go without certain clothing such as panties for a few days. Now, I know I shouldn’t have to say this but just to be safe obviously the brat must be fully covered out in public for legal reasons. (What you wear in the privacy of your own houses is up to you,  so go for a no bottoms day if it suits your fancy. 😉 ) This can also be a tool a Top can use if there isn’t privacy for another consequence. Having her go to the bathroom and remove her panties for the rest of the day is sure to make her consider her behavior. There are several things to consider when doing this consequence. If there are any gender issues, please talk about this consequence with your brat before assigning them to wear an obviously feminine or masculine clothing option. Also, if your brat is having her time of the month obviously going without panties isn’t really an option either so check this first as well!


Grounding is self-explanatory as well. Grounding is when someone would lose privileges for some time. Grounding from things such as the internet, social media, or even watching TV for a day or so will force a brat to consider her behavior and is one of the most effective long-term consequences. One thing to consider is how possible it is for the brat to follow the grounding. Such as… if a brat might drive to work every day it’s not usually possible to ground them from driving during the week. Also, consider the length of time that the grounding is for. Most of the time if not always I’ve found a day or two is effective for the length of time. This is where it’s important to know your brat. Know what she likes to do in her free time and limit that.

Early Bed Time

                This is an extension of grounding in a way. Being sent to bed early or even for a nap can help a brat be on time and generally allow her to rest if she is in a grumpy mood. Sometimes a spanking or other consequences aren’t needed, but more sleep and rest is. I use this most often though if a brat is late to school or work. If she is late that night she is in bed 30 minutes earlier. If she is late again the next day off to bed another 30 minutes earlier. Eventually, she will either be rested enough to not hit the snooze button or have enough motivation to get to work on time.



I want to end all this by saying again this is simply what works for us. My relationships are unique as are all relationships. Get to know the person you are with and find what works with you all. Communication is the foundation of our relationships. Remember, be safe, sane and consensual in all you do. Please let me know if you have any questions or thoughts in the comments! Also, if you bug my two brats enough maybe they will add some thoughts of their own about these consequences. 😉


**Please do not reuse pictures without consent!**

A Spanko’s Addiction?

Hi, my fellow spankos! Well, today as sort of a filler post as I struggle my way through writing I thought I would share with you all my small personal collection of spanking implements. As you can tell I am a fan of paddle-like implements though I am slowly venturing into the leather world. I’ll go through and tell you what each is, (though it is probably obvious).

My collection

Starting at the very top from the very top going from left to right:

  • Flogger  (which I hate but was my first real purchase, so I can’t get rid of it)
  • Leather Belt

Starting on the row with the Soriotiey Paddle and going right is:

  • Sorority Paddle
  • Purple Heart Paddle
  • Lexan Paddle (Clear Paddle for those that don’t know)
  • Wooden Spoon (For Spanking only lol 😉 )
  • OTK Strap
  • Silicone Spatula
  • Two Tongued Slapper
  • Riding Crop

On the last Row from left to right:

  • Hairbrush
  • Short Bathbrush

My personal favorite may actually be the Lexan paddle at the moment. It is lightweight and covers a good portion of one cheek which I like better than smaller implements. The edges of implements tend to bruise easier, in my experience.

And as for where to get implements… well any local store would have a nice wooden spoon. 😉 However, there are a couple sites you can go to that have awesome implements. I personally like http://www.cane-iac.com/ and https://www.etsy.com/ (search for spanking or spanking implements and ta-da ). I know I own several things from Cane-iac.

However, I do say all this to say. Always be safe when playing. Go slow if you are unsure or with a new partner and always have a safe word. Also, have fun and explore what you like. I know many people that absolutely hate the implements I like and people that love the implements I hate. Most of all get to spanking folks. 🙂

Also, please leave a link to any spanking implement site I (and everyone else) needs to check out or a name of an implement I must get in my collection.


Oh yes… btw.. I do have a problem. But a good one. 😉

Spanking as a love language.

Hi, all. I’m back with a real post for you all. I have a story that is almost ready for you guys, so hopefully, I will get that posted tonight. If you don’t mind read and possibly tell me what you all think if it’s the same for you or even if you think I’m completely crazy. While I’m here I should mention I have started school and that keeps me pretty busy, but I am going to try to keep stories and other post coming for you all.


For many spankos like myself, spanking can have a profound impact on daily life, whether spanking is real life or virtual or a combination of the two. Today I want to talk a little bit about spanking being a love language in our lives. In real life, I am not a physically affectionate person. That is just not me, however, I have discovered that virtually I am. I like to hug, kiss and just cuddle with someone and yes be spanked for the closeness of it. Maybe, it is because I don’t do it in my real life as much, who knows. But recently that hasn’t happened and it can be emotionally hard to deal with when you need and want that human connection.

As some of you know, my personal life has been a bit rough lately, but I’m getting through it and learning a lot about myself in the process. Thankfully, I have several important people in my life that have been very supportive and willing to do anything they can for me. And for that, I am extremely grateful. So, to those of you that have been there of late, even when it was hard, thank you. You will never know what it means to me. Saying this, I needed some attention recently for some what I found to be surprising reasons. I asked one of these important people to help me in a way no one else can at the moment. In truth I told her several reasons I needed to go over her knee for a spanking, (yes I still blush a little whenever I think that word, but that is a different post entirely), however, to tell you the truth in hindsight I think most of it was because I needed a few moments to feel loved and cared for, but didn’t know how to ask for that any other way. I had told her I couldn’t focus and I needed to be centered among several other minor reasons. While this was true. In a way, I was feeling lonely, needy and overall emotional. It embarrasses me to say this, but being over someone’s knee and them “whacking” away at your backside doesn’t make you feel lonely anymore. And one most certainly feels loved as you are cuddled thereafter.

This, however, got me to thinking. Is spanking a love language in some relationships. I know for me it is in certain relationships I have and had in the past it is. Of course, it is not the only love language, but it is an important way for me to feel and possibly even give loving feelings to someone. The love a top and bottom shares, especially if they aren’t romantically involved, is one that is unlike anything else. It goes much deeper than a friend and is much different than with a romantic partner. When you enter into those relationships you are handing a little of your heart to the other person and hoping they don’t break it or give it away. The two people can be very protective of each other, wants the other to be fulfilled and happy, and really does get emotionally invested in the other person.

So, I guess I say all of this to say, I know spanking is a love language for me. And as embarrassing and uncomfortable that can be to admit it is something that I need so I don’t feel lonely and so that I know I am cared for. And to try to be clear, it is not always sexual. In fact, it is very rarely that way for me. So, yes there are times when I need a spanking for the aftercare or just the care of it in general. When you are willingly giving up control to another person and trusting them to take care of you in mind, body, and spirit, there are few things that can be more vulnerable than that. But there are also, few things that can be as comforting as someone holding your hand with one hand and spanking you with the other and telling you they care for you and that they are here for you.

Is anyone else this way? Has anyone else out there found unexpected reason and ways that spanking “works” or you?



Submission the choice.

As most of you know at this point I’ve been in a Top/brat relationship for about two months now with a very special person. The journey has seen really high highs and really low lows. I don’t trust easily and I’ve made many mistakes along the way, but I have learned more about myself than I ever thought possible. Toppy lady and I just kind of fell into these roles we are in, it happened natural really, at first at least. However, the one huge thing I’ve had to learn is what submission really is, what it takes to be submissive and what it feels like when you get there. I don’t have all of this figured out of course, but  I’m beginning to learn what my journey looks like.

Submission is a choice. It’s a choice I have to make daily and sometimes even more than one time a day. It’s not a feeling and it doesn’t actually just happen, for me at least. I always thought that submission would be this feeling you would have, but it’s not. Submission is the choice to allow someone else control part or all of your life. And let me tell you it can scare the hell out of you. Like I said earlier I don’t trust people naturally, it just doesn’t happen that way. But then to have someone that is worthy of that trust enough to choose what is best for you in several aspects of your life that is a learning experience. There were times and I guess still are times when I fight it every step of the way. Thankfully, I have a Top who is extremely patient and stubborn that will stick with me no matter what I do. So, I have had to make the conscious effort to chose this everyday ever since I realized this and it has made life less complicated and our relationship more fulfilling in many ways.

When I choose to submit to Karen (name changed to protect the not so innocent 😉 ) I instantly become more stable. A lot of times in my RL I feel like I’m free falling into a wide open abyss and that I’m out in the world vulnerable, alone and scared. I also felt like I was wandering around a bit. When I submit she will protect me from everything including myself. I no longer have the worries of the world. I find comfort here in the land of trust and dependence on another human if it is only for a few short minuets a day.

Here is the big thing though. Submission isn’t a requirement of our relationship. It isn’t even a demand or expectation really. It is a gift that I freely choose to give to her. Yes, that maybe hard to understand, but through the time we have spent together and her continued proving to me she isn’t going anywhere it is a desire that has grown inside of me. I want to give her that gift, because I do trust her with my life.

I won’t tell you that is has gotten easier though. If anything it has gotten harder. I went into the relationship thinking that being a brat/bottom to someone would come naturally for me. However, it actually doesn’t. In fact I like control things quiet a bit, which might explain my Switch tendencies, but that is a whole other post. But, what I have found here when I can submit is peace. It’s like the person at the core of who I am is alive and well and so very loved and cared for.


Until next time, LT