Hey spanko people, this post will not be the normal fun spanko discussion or stories, but I feel it is important to talk about anyway. Because of some circumstances that have happened in recent months I have been thinking a lot about safety in the community, online especially. So, I wanted to talk briefly about some things I have learned over the years and give everyone the chance to share what they have learned as well.
The first thing is to go slow! I know it is hard to go slow when we are needy and excited, but it is an important aspect of building trust in a relationship. Make sure to spend time getting to know the person you intend to meet or play with even if it is just virtually playing! Get to know their likes and dislikes both inside and outside of the kink. Additionally, trust your gut! Most of the time, if something feels ‘off’, it is. So, if something feels “off” or is making you hesitate, honor that and reevaluate the situation. Of course, do not forget safewords. I cannot say that enough…safeword, safeword, safewords. If someone does not play with or honor a safeword run the other direction! Safewords are our last line of defense against something going over the line. The universal safewords are red, yellow, and green. Red for stop, yellow for slow down, and green for good to go.
In addition to this, make sure to understand each other’s limits before playing and be honest about them. If you are unsure that is okay, just communicate! Before meeting, have conversations with your person by phone and video call. There are many different options that can be useful. This can also help with the awkwardness of seeing each other for the first time. Additionally, if possible, request references of people they have played with in the past. Tell someone else if you are meeting in person, and if you are just playing online. Don’t keep it a secret. Try to find someone you trust. When meeting, let this trusted friend know where, with whom, and how long you are meeting.
When meeting, meet for the first time in public, and again tell your trusted friend who you are meeting with and where. Set up a safety call for the meeting, have a set amount of time your trusted friend will call you in. Set up code lines that are beyond just, “Yes, I am okay.” Also, have somewhere to retreat to easily and quickly if you need to such as your car, home, or a hotel room. This is especially important where you don’t know the area you are meeting, say if you have traveled to meet someone. Finally, when sharing pictures online, be careful to check settings on your device, because some mark your GPS location. It can reveal where and when a picture was taken, and some people will take advantage of this to discover your location. People who are smart enough or motivated enough could track you, could also do you harm. Remember, any pictures you send can be used against you, so be cautious who you share them with. Lastly, if you are confused or concerned there is a great community of women who want to help and talk about it, so utilize it if you want to!
I’ll be posting stories, or other bits and pieces on Fridays for a while so hopefully I hope to see you all around!