So this is a second entry in the story/fantasy/diary. Please note that while there is some real world influence this is a story. 🙂
So, today I had a completely different experience than the last time I wrote to you. I was upset and so this time Top gentle took my hand, guided me across the room, and invited me to sit on her lap. At first it was a little shocking and slightly uncomfortable. But there was something about the way that she ran her fingers through my hair and whispered calming words into my ear that encouraged me to relax into that safe embrace. We cuddled together having quiet conversations about life and what this was between us. I told her of all my fears and she assured me me she would never leave or abandon me, all the while still rubbing soothing circles on my back.
We hugged and I stayed that way for a long time. I am so scared that she won’t catch me if I fall, but man how bad do I want to fall. The longer we sat there talking to each about our respective past, the deeper and deeper I got into my little one mindset. Oh, the things that the name ‘little one’ does to me. She reassured me that she would never hurt me, other than my bottom that is. We spent a lot of time giggling about stuff too. We didn’t end up naming really what was happening between us and you know, Diary, that really doesn’t bother me. It doesn’t need a name. After, a especially long round of giggles we talked about what we needed from each other. I told her sometimes I might need to be little as I blushed a deep shade of crimson and at other times I might need her to correct some serious adult behavior in a no non-sense fashion. She listened and when I lost my train of thought and she just pulled me tighter and assured me we weren’t in a hurry to go anywhere. It took me a lot of time and a lot of squirming, but we eventually began to understand what we expected and needed from each other. She helped me feel not so wrong for wanting to sit on her lap and cuddle with her or kinda wanting her to put me over her knee.
I cried a little at this point. It was nice to know that someone was sitting there listening to my ever thought, concern, fantasy and dream. I don’t think I have been held that much in years. It reminded me of being a small child, but with very adult feelings. Even when we weren’t talking it was comforting to know she was there holding on.
At one point the conversation got super embarrassing on my part at least. When you are in this situation that is this intense you don’t want to hurt the other person in anyway, by disappointing them, offending them or making them think you don’t care about their thoughts and feelings. It can make it hard when you feel like you should apologize for everything all of the time. So, I moved away from her, off of her lap and tried really hard to just run. Thankfully, she didn’t let me get far. I muttered something I was rather embarrassed about and she once again guided me back to her lap, locking her arms around my waist, telling me with body language alone that I wan’t going anywhere and that she wasn’t either.
“You can’t scare me off, little one. Nothing you say, do or confess will ever make me give up on you.” I remember those words like she said them just now because they slowly began to melt my heart. It is reassurances like those that make me warm inside. We spent more time cuddling each other and she touched my cheek bringing my eyes to meet hers.
She knew somehow at this point that I wanted to ask her something. For me at this point of the day I had been through every emotion possible. I felt so happy and content to just be there with her to allow myself not to be on guard, confused and scared of what might happen, embarrassed and just…… weird that I might want certain things from this woman. However, I hid my face from her and mumbled out my question.
Well Diary, as you can guess she didn’t let me get away with that. She brought my eyes to hers once again and requested that I say it a second time. Finally, I just blurted out, “Can you give me a spanking?” my face was on fire at this point, but she didn’t laugh or make jokes about my request she simply asked me, why.
I eventually told her I just felt like it might help me feel better and calm any racing thoughts in my head. She soothed me and assured me she understood. We talked for several minuets to make sure I was in the right frame of mind for a spanking of this nature, before she slowly moved me to lay over her lap instead on sitting on it.
I felt so vulnerable and calm in that split second. There is something about the feeling of someone’s had ominously resting on your backside that just makes you lose all other trains of thought. She rubbed and caressed for several long minuets before she placed the first swat on my jean and pantie covered backside. She slowly warmed me up over my clothing all the while reassuring me I could relax, let go and trust her.
The heat built slowly through my clothes. She didn’t like that I was fighting her on mentally letting go so she pulled my pants down to mid-thigh and increased the strength and pace. Let me tell you something, Diary when a woman with a palm of steel is tattooing her desire for you to do something to your backside you tend to take notice and suddenly forget everything else that is going on around you. So, with her hand making a heat unknown to common man: I let go. I relaxed over her lap accepting the spanking she was giving me. However, she wasn’t quiet done yet. She lowered my panties also and continued the spanking me on my bare bottom. Diary, I don’t know how she knew just what I needed, but that was all it took for me to completely let go and cry. As soon as I began to cry she placed two scorchers on my sit spots to remind me of my place, then she began to soothe my emotions and thoughts.
Well Diary, I have learned even more about myself from that experience. I have two sides of my mind that needs to be spanked if that makes sense. I have the adult, difficult, reckless behavior side that needs a stern woman to jerk me in place. And then there is the other side, the side that is just a submissive little one that needs to be eased into it lest she not get scared away. I like both sides for different reasons the stern woman doesn’t give me much of a chance to run from her and the other one allows me to not have to make any decisions about life. I also learned that a stern hand spanking sometimes is just as effective as anything else, especially if it is one made of steal like her hand is.
I’m going to crawl into bed now, Diary I’ll talk to you later,
Spanked Little One